Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
