just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it hurts more in the daytime
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
