they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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