if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
why do cheetos always look like penises
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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