I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Can I color on your dick again?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
