is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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