i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
