Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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