Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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