The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
