Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
