took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
