You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Randomize
