she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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