I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
