Tell her she can't have a vagina
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So squirting runs in the family.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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