I think I died a long time ago.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hello my rib-scented angel!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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