When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Houston, we have a squirter
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
