i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
being pregnant is like rehab
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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