Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
even my farts smell like vagina
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
