Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
