And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
