How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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