The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
