I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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