I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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