I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
