Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
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I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
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About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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