i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
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I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never un-have a 4some
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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