I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
