If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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