For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
