sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
