I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
