I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
