Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He kissed a someone with a penis
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
