brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
