3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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