I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Hello my rib-scented angel!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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