Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
