just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
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I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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