Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
