He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
