Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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