Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
