tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
