frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
