my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
