The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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