the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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