I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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