i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
