I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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