He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
