Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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