Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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