the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
he high fived his dick after we had sex
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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