I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
