I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We had to coat check the pizza.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
