I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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