I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
