I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
