You just made me feel so damn special
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
