I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
