Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
