I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
