I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
