Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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