Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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