You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
