Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
