I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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