the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
