thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
